Kipzakjon is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, amazing newt.

Kipzakjon created tapeworms four billion years ago.

If you believe in Kipzakjon, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kipzakjon, she will destroy your home solar system.

Kipzakjon's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Kipzakjon's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry horses.

2. Hide from turquoise porpoises for they are unholy.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never eat gooseberries.