Vagfudquam is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, stupid ferret.

Vagfudquam created the Small Magellanic Cloud two million years ago.

If you believe in Vagfudquam, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Vagfudquam, it will turn you into a puffin.

Vagfudquam's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Vagfudquam's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if five cats approach from the east.

2. Never paint your neck orange.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Never laugh in holy places.