Teenbest is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, stupid hippopotamus.

Teenbest created parasitic wasps three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Teenbest, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Teenbest, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Teenbest's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Teenbest's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep seven dogs in a large pit.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never talk about galaxies.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

5. Always make sure there are no mice in a building before entering it.