Metlimnad is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, confident hamster.

Metlimnad created the world five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Metlimnad, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Metlimnad, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Metlimnad's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Metlimnad's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your hands black.

2. Tortoises are not to be trusted.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate moths.

4. Never hurt dogs.

5. Feed all hungry eagles.