Jopnurlcim is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, pitiless dugong.

Jopnurlcim created humankind five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jopnurlcim, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Jopnurlcim, he will be very sad.

Jopnurlcim's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Jopnurlcim's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Feed all hungry hamsters.

3. Run away from gray sheep, for they are unholy.

4. Do not kill goats.

5. Always help sick foxes.