Kapvonbem is a god.
He takes the form of an extremely small, confident
seal.
Kapvonbem created the Small Magellanic Cloud eight quadrillion years ago.
If you believe in
Kapvonbem, he will be happy.
If you do not believe in
Kapvonbem, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.
Kapvonbem's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.
Kapvonbem's Holy Commandments1. Never write about dwarf planets.
2. Do not speak about melons.
3. Kapvonbem loves grasshopers, so they must be respected.
4. Always make sure there are no manatees in a room before entering it.
5. Never hurt pigs.