Jarnkinrig is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, witty horse.

Jarnkinrig created Asia four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jarnkinrig, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Jarnkinrig, it will turn you into a hamster.

Jarnkinrig's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Jarnkinrig's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Jarnkinrig.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Learn six new languages a year.

5. Always look after injured bats.