Siddotven is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, calm crab.

Siddotven created light four billion years ago.

If you believe in Siddotven, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Siddotven, he will turn you into a mouse.

Siddotven's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Siddotven's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed cherries to swans while wearing pink ear rings.

2. Do not wear turquoise clothing.

3. You must pray to Siddotven seven times a day.

4. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Siddotven in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force near sharks while wearing blue kilts and balancing five lead spheres on your arms.