Satyarlkom is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, able pigeon.

Satyarlkom created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Satyarlkom, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Satyarlkom, she will turn you into a rat.

Satyarlkom's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Satyarlkom's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear brown shoes.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Never feed carrots to squirrels while wearing stockings.

4. You must love Satyarlkom.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.