Damquafnigbeg is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, idiotic cow.

Damquafnigbeg created the world five billion years ago.

If you believe in Damquafnigbeg, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Damquafnigbeg, she will cry a lot.

Damquafnigbeg's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Damquafnigbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear purple clothing.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never think ill of sick rats.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never write about cell theory.