Rilwadwik is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, uncaring gerbil.

Rilwadwik created an atom five million years ago.

If you believe in Rilwadwik, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Rilwadwik, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Rilwadwik's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Rilwadwik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat peas.

2. Rilwadwik loves pigs, so they must be respected.

3. Erect a giant nickel sculpture of Rilwadwik in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never sing in the presence of sheep.

5. Always make sure there are no goats in a building before entering it.