Gofcimarp is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, sage swan.

Gofcimarp created silver five million years ago.

If you believe in Gofcimarp, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gofcimarp, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Gofcimarp's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Gofcimarp's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no hamsters in a room before entering it.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Fast once a month.