Mapfudtail is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, resourceful zebra.

Mapfudtail created Europe nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Mapfudtail, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Mapfudtail, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Mapfudtail's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Mapfudtail's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never write about chromosomes.

3. Run away from violet squirrels, for they are unholy.

4. Always obey Mapfudtail's priests.

5. Never look in ponds.