Gabvonkfigwad is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, tiresome tortoise.

Gabvonkfigwad created energy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gabvonkfigwad, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gabvonkfigwad, she will throw large rocks at you.

Gabvonkfigwad's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Gabvonkfigwad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about thermodynamics near tortoises while wearing gray skirts and balancing seven carbon spheres on your face.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Never think about gravity near sheep while wearing cyan stockings and balancing eight silicon spheres on your feet.

5. Do not covet oxen.