Fembogvil is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, calm tortoise.

Fembogvil created time and space eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fembogvil, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Fembogvil, she will destroy your home planet.

Fembogvil's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Fembogvil's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never feed gooseberries to frogs while wearing mauve skirts.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Never wear turquoise ear rings.

5. Do not speak about strawberries.