Gatbafstan Queeggenhanzakstik is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, duplicitous spider.

Gatbafstan Queeggenhanzakstik created the planet Jupiter five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gatbafstan Queeggenhanzakstik, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Gatbafstan Queeggenhanzakstik, he will destroy your home solar system.

Gatbafstan Queeggenhanzakstik's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Gatbafstan Queeggenhanzakstik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Gatbafstan Queeggenhanzakstik's name in vain.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never write about black holes.

4. Never feed pineapples to mites while wearing stockings.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.