Vonwikfetomt is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, unthoughtful squirrel.

Vonwikfetomt created a quark twelve years ago.

If you believe in Vonwikfetomt, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Vonwikfetomt, he will not invite you to parties.

Vonwikfetomt's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Vonwikfetomt's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if four gulls approach from the north.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Always take life seriously.