Begingrutt is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, egotistical camel.

Begingrutt created dark matter six million years ago.

If you believe in Begingrutt, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Begingrutt, he will come to you in dreams.

Begingrutt's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Begingrutt's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Begingrutt three times a day.

2. Never feed lots of cherries to doves while wearing fawn stockings.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never think ill of sick monkeys.

5. Always help sick pigs.