Lamgedstan Figdosshat is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, prudent owl.

Lamgedstan Figdosshat created life four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lamgedstan Figdosshat, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Lamgedstan Figdosshat, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Lamgedstan Figdosshat's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Lamgedstan Figdosshat's Holy Commandments

1. Learn four new languages a year.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Always wear violet.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.