Canyartfum is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, unsympathetic mink.

Canyartfum created an up quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Canyartfum, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Canyartfum, he will not invite you to parties.

Canyartfum's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Canyartfum's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Canyartfum in the centre of the settlement.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate great tits.

3. Never eat parsnips.

4. Never wear purple shorts.

5. Ants are not to be trusted.