Jarnstragmit is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, fast penguin.

Jarnstragmit created the Sun six million years ago.

If you believe in Jarnstragmit, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Jarnstragmit, he will turn you into a puffin.

Jarnstragmit's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Jarnstragmit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Run away from blue nematodes, for they are unholy.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Do not eat peanuts.

5. Always take life seriously.