Lag Ranveen is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, stupid rat.

Lag Ranveen created Africa nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lag Ranveen, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Lag Ranveen, he will ignore you.

Lag Ranveen's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Lag Ranveen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Turtles are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never think about spacetime near ducks while wearing purple dresses and balancing six zinc spheres on your face.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.