Apprancib is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, intelligent tortoise.

Apprancib created everything that exists seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Apprancib, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Apprancib, he will turn you into a worm.

Apprancib's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Apprancib's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Always make sure there are no bats in a room before entering it.

3. Never feed grapes to swans while wearing rings.

4. Never think ill of sick aardvarks.

5. Retreat if six gulls approach from the south.