Gemhatsog is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, wise gerbil.

Gemhatsog created everything that exists seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Gemhatsog, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Gemhatsog, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Gemhatsog's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Gemhatsog's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Gemhatsog.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Put Gemhatsog first in all things.

4. Never talk about galaxies.

5. Pray towards the south.