Jopleg is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, effective crocodile.

Jopleg created a charm quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jopleg, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Jopleg, it will turn you into a tree.

Jopleg's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Jopleg's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum field theory near capybaras while wearing magenta scarves.

2. Hide if six dolphins approach from the west.

3. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in brown.

4. Never talk about stars.

5. Never sprint near sharks.