Lapcephog is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, sage crab.

Lapcephog created the Sun three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lapcephog, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Lapcephog, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Lapcephog's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Lapcephog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Worship no other gods but Lapcephog.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate manatees.