Zigortwonyartmit is a god.

It takes the form of a small, resourceful octopus.

Zigortwonyartmit created the planet Earth three billion years ago.

If you believe in Zigortwonyartmit, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Zigortwonyartmit, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Zigortwonyartmit's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Zigortwonyartmit's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in the presence of sheep.

2. Never write about black holes.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Do not covet oxen.