Bad is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, all-knowing gerbil.

Bad created the planet Jupiter eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bad, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Bad, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Bad's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Bad's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Always help sick voles.

4. Run away if four aardvarks approach from the north.

5. Bad loves dolphins, so they must be honoured.