Jipvonzan is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, merciful snake.

Jipvonzan created energy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jipvonzan, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Jipvonzan, it will have a very low opinion of you.

Jipvonzan's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Jipvonzan's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Do not kill frogs.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never wear kilts.