Citvadzed Homcussyart Wabveen is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, two-faced salamander.

Citvadzed Homcussyart Wabveen created a quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Citvadzed Homcussyart Wabveen, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Citvadzed Homcussyart Wabveen, it will have a low opinion of you.

Citvadzed Homcussyart Wabveen's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Citvadzed Homcussyart Wabveen's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

3. Never talk about dark energy.

4. Never think about chromosomes.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.