Hogpibquaf is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, annoying finch.

Hogpibquaf created carbon two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hogpibquaf, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hogpibquaf, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Hogpibquaf's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Hogpibquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if six sharks approach from the north.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never hurt mites.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Learn three new languages a year.