Gebartmum is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, selfish cobra.

Gebartmum created a strange quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gebartmum, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Gebartmum, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Gebartmum's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Gebartmum's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip near porpoises.

2. Never mention voles.

3. Never hurt nematodes.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.