Tabcimbum is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, clever elephant.

Tabcimbum created dark matter six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tabcimbum, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Tabcimbum, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tabcimbum's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Tabcimbum's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed tomatoes to sharks while wearing shorts.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Pray towards the east.