Funbassmatcum is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, deceitful hedgehog.

Funbassmatcum created a bottom quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Funbassmatcum, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Funbassmatcum, it will have a very low opinion of you.

Funbassmatcum's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Funbassmatcum's Holy Commandments

1. Never stain your arms with gray.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never hurt porpoises.

5. Erect three silver sculptures of Funbassmatcum on top of important buildings.