Hompakfem is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, compassionate squirrel.

Hompakfem created dark energy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Hompakfem, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hompakfem, he will turn you into a frog.

Hompakfem's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Hompakfem's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the south.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never mention snails.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Do not stand on grass.