Nartveen Parkzanmonweeweerill is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, dishonourable bird.

Nartveen Parkzanmonweeweerill created carbon three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nartveen Parkzanmonweeweerill, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Nartveen Parkzanmonweeweerill, it will turn you into a rock.

Nartveen Parkzanmonweeweerill's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Nartveen Parkzanmonweeweerill's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark matter near hamsters while wearing green skirts and balancing five carbon spheres on your neck.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never run in the presence of horses.

4. Never hop in holy places.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.