Lapbunxuck is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, contented faun.

Lapbunxuck created life nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Lapbunxuck, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Lapbunxuck, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Lapbunxuck's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Lapbunxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never talk about comets.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Learn six new languages a year.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.