Gedbatkad Gumvagtif is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, cheerful meerkat.

Gedbatkad Gumvagtif created dark matter eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gedbatkad Gumvagtif, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Gedbatkad Gumvagtif, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Gedbatkad Gumvagtif's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Gedbatkad Gumvagtif's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat corn.

2. Always look after injured goats.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.