Gumloopjap is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, generous jaguar.

Gumloopjap created a quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Gumloopjap, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Gumloopjap, he will have a low opinion of you.

Gumloopjap's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Gumloopjap's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about planets.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Nematodes are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force near hamsters while wearing black coats and balancing four platinum spheres on your legs.