Fetjabbag is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, dishonest jackal.

Fetjabbag created a strange quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Fetjabbag, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Fetjabbag, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Fetjabbag's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Fetjabbag's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Fetjabbag.

2. Never run in holy places.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate grasshopers.

4. Never feed spinach to horses while wearing shirts.

5. Never talk about dwarf planets.