Pakarnfom is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, awesome hippopotamus.

Pakarnfom created carbon three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pakarnfom, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Pakarnfom, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Pakarnfom's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Pakarnfom's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Pakarnfom.

2. Pakarnfom must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never wear stockings.

4. Always make sure there are no capybaras in a building before entering it.

5. Do not chop down trees.