Ortbumzig is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, dishonourable swallow.

Ortbumzig created everything that exists eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ortbumzig, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Ortbumzig, it will turn you into a mouse.

Ortbumzig's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Ortbumzig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Ortbumzig.

4. Never look at comets.

5. Never talk about fire.