Wotgetbeg is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, astonishing human.

Wotgetbeg created the planet Saturn eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wotgetbeg, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Wotgetbeg, he will turn you into a puffin.

Wotgetbeg's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Wotgetbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh in the presence of doves.

2. Do not take Wotgetbeg's name in vain.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Learn six new languages a year.