Armfen Sawtamkom is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, irritating cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Armfen Sawtamkom created dark matter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Armfen Sawtamkom, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Armfen Sawtamkom, she will be mildly annoyed.

Armfen Sawtamkom's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Armfen Sawtamkom's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Armfen Sawtamkom.

2. Do not eat peanuts.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never mention whales.

5. Gulls are unholy and should not be approached.