Yarzenbitlid is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, calm monkey.

Yarzenbitlid created the Sun three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarzenbitlid, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Yarzenbitlid, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Yarzenbitlid's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Yarzenbitlid's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from brown seals for they are unholy.

2. Always make sure there are no tortoises in a building before entering it.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never think about spacetime near eagles while wearing fawn corsets and balancing three nickel spheres on your arms.

5. Never eat bananas.