Hogpognib is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, overgenerous spider.

Hogpognib created time and space six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hogpognib, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Hogpognib, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Hogpognib's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Hogpognib's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if seven seals approach from the north.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Erect nine aluminium sculptures of Hogpognib on top of important buildings.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.