Kikwitcam is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, proud badger.

Kikwitcam created the planet Venus nine million years ago.

If you believe in Kikwitcam, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Kikwitcam, he will not care at all.

Kikwitcam's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Kikwitcam's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate bats.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never talk about seals.

5. Always wear brown.