Nelhadcem is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, almighty newt.

Nelhadcem created snails two billion years ago.

If you believe in Nelhadcem, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Nelhadcem, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Nelhadcem's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Nelhadcem's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate turtles.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Never sit in holy places.

4. Always help sick great tits.

5. Do not eat bananas.