Canjanbessratcep is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, dishonest cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Canjanbessratcep created the world nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Canjanbessratcep, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Canjanbessratcep, he will refuse to believe in you.

Canjanbessratcep's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Canjanbessratcep's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large lead sculpture of Canjanbessratcep on top of all buildings.

2. Feed all hungry swans.

3. Hide if nine squirrels approach from the south.

4. Never paint your neck mauve.

5. Never feed aubergines to dogs while wearing shoes.