Bassdabdap Gabfasbit is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, deceitful goose.

Bassdabdap Gabfasbit created humankind eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Bassdabdap Gabfasbit, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Bassdabdap Gabfasbit, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Bassdabdap Gabfasbit's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Bassdabdap Gabfasbit's Holy Commandments

1. Always help porpoises.

2. Do not dye your hair white.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never sprint near doves.

5. Never feed turnips to cats while wearing pink dresses.